We were friends before we dated. We met in the summer, Pat was home from college and when it was time for him to go back to school (Kent State) he asked me if I would move into an apartment with him there. I told him that not only would I NOT move in with him, but that I was NOT going to wait around for him either. I knew what I was doing when I told him this, it was my sneaky little plan to get him to propose! He must not have picked up on it though, because I think I proposed to him! And it must not have been a very romantic proposal because I really have no memory of it, other then my ultimatum that I gave him. "NO...I will not move in with you"...and "YES...I am going to date other guys when you leave". Sneaky, but it worked!
We were planning a March wedding. I went to a Bridal shop and found the gown of my dreams. I tried it on and felt like Cinderella! I had my friend take a picture of me in it. I'm glad I had my camera in tow, because I never did get this gown. Because we moved the date we were going to get married on to a sooner date, I had no time to save the money for my Cinderella gown. We gave my mom and dad about a weeks notice and Pats poor mom and dad were told the night before! No wonder his dads response was, "did you get this girl in trouble"?!!
I remember the day I told my dad that I was getting married like it was yesterday. We were on our way to Perkins Pancake House when I told him. He laughed and laughed. Not the response you would expect to get from your Dad, but I know he was happy for me (and I'm sure he was ready for me to move out)! Mom was amazing, she took me to a shop called "Brooks" where I found my dress.She made sure I had my "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue" I carried one of my Great Grandmas lace hankies for my something "old", my dress was my "new", my Great Grandmas wedding band was my "borrowed", and my garter belt was my "blue". Sky high beige high heels completed this brides wedding attire! My groom had on a pair of brown dress pants and a beige courderoy blazer. I think his hair was as long as long as mine!
Mom, Dad, John, Mildred (Pats Mom and Dad), my Grandma and Grandpa Maple, my sister Christie and Pats brother Dick (who were our witnesses), and Pats siblings all attended our courthouse wedding. I do not even remember my 2 little brothers, Rick and Jim being there, I think they went to school instead! We were married by Mayor Richard Porter.
Our reception was at my Mom and Dads. Mom decorated the kitchen and had more then enough food for everyone (my sister in law Shelly still laughs at the pickled pigs feet that Mom had, hey....my Mom and Dad are "down to earth folk, salt of the earth"...what can I say?!! Our families were there, along with some neighbors and friends. The booze was flowing and by the end of the night, Pat's Dad John, had managed to piss off my Grandma, who was pouting in the basement, he and Dad had more then a few silly little arguments, and he fell down the stairs on his way out of the house! Thank God he wasn't hurt! He picked hiself back up and looked at my Dad and said "Now the silence begins"..referring to Mildred! He knew he was in trouble!
Pat and I spent our first night as husband and wife at Mohican Lodge, compliments of John and Mildred. Our second (and last) honeymoon night was spent at Salt Fork Lodge. Our first home was a tiny little attic apartment in Mansfield. From there we moved into a trailor that Pats Dad bought, which is where we lived until Pat joined the Air Force. When Pat filled out the paper work of the bases he wanted to be stationed at, he filled it in
with bases on the east coast, Myrtle Beach AFB, a few in Fla, and I think one in Ohio, Wright Patterson AFB. Whoever decides where to station new AirMen and Women must have had a wicked sense of humor, because the base we were headed for was Ellsworth AFB in South Dakota! Where the heck is South Dakota?!! I'm getting sidetracked here, like I always do. I swear I have AADD. Back to our wedding day....at times it feels like only yesterday when two dumb young kids who thought they could live off of love alone (I forgot to mention that Pat didn't even have a job) were standing in that court house pledging their love and saying their vows, and yet at times it seems like a million years ago. We have been thru a lot in our 38 years together. Pain, heartache, joy, elation, worry, loss of loved ones, the miracle of new lives! We've fought and made up, cried together, and laughed together. We have lost both of our Dads, and Pats Mom. Gone are Grandma and Grandpa Maple. Life carries on and with it we have been given four of our most precious gifts, Dave, Ally, Kate, and Christie. God continued to bless us with six beautiful grandchildren, Patrick, Eve, Harrison, Cole, Anderson, and Chloe, with two more on the way!
Two years ago today... my memory takes me back to our grandson Andersons birthday. It's our 36th anniversary. We are in our car driving as fast as we can to get to Dallas. I am still praying and pleading with God to let Anderson live. We know that the odds are against him. Allyson found out in her fifth month of pregnancy that her amniotic fluids were very low and that her baby was going to have a lot of problems IF he even survived. She was sent to specialists and told to abort by a few of the doctors she had seen. She would not hear of it. She was going to carry Anderson until the day God placed him into her loving arms. We all prayed for a miracle. My sister in law, Jo, is a real prayer warrior. She set up a schedule for some of us to fast on while praying for Anderson to live.One day she asked that we all pray for one hour, (at the same time), for Anderson to be healed. I went out into our garage because it is the only place in our home, where I can go to where there is total silence. I sat down on the step and began to pray....Lord please heal this precious baby, over and over again, I prayed for this..I begged and pleaded, PLEASE Lord let him live! I KNOW You hear us, so please just give us this miracle.
Ally called us early in the morning to let us know that she was in labor. It's another cold day, but once again it is not phasing me. I'm on my way to meet my new grandson. I have no memory of what I have on or what my knight in shining armor has on this day. I just want to get to Dallas as fast as we can. I'm still praying for a miracle, asking the Lord to let Anderson live. Ally calls us with occasional labor updates. We are somewhere in Oklahoma when she calls to tell us that Anderson has arrived and he's alive! She was told that he would probably be still born. She asks if we can hear him crying....at the time one of the millions of trains that goes thru Oklahoma just happens to be going by and we can't hear him crying. I am able to hear Ally crying and this breaks my heart. Oh how I wish I could take this pain away from her. When we hang up, I call my mom and sister and tell them that Anderson is here and he's alive! Thank You Jesus! Hurry up..let's get to Dallas! We knew that Andersons time here on earth was going to be short, so now I'm praying to make it to the hospital in time to see him while he's still livng. The next call from Ally comes close to two hours later. She tells us that Anderson has passed away. She says she was holding him when he took his last breath and that it was very peaceful. Now I'm mad...I'm angry with God for not healing Anderson. I'm angry at God for taking him away from us, and I'm angry at God for not allowing Anderson to live long enough for us to see him and hold him and tell him how much we love him. We make a bathroom stop and I break down. I just let it all out. I had so much bottled up inside me and I was still clinging to the hope of a miracle. Why couldn't you give us this miracle Lord? Even with the doctors telling Ally that Anderson was not going to make it, we still clung to our faith that You would heal him. Ally asked me if we wanted her to keep Anderson in her room until we got there so we could at least see him. Yes, we want to see our grandbaby! She calls a few more times to see how much longer we're going to be. It seems like an eternity, but we finally make it to the hospital in Dallas. Going up the elevator I feel sick to my stomach. A part of me wants to run and pretend like none of this ever happened. When we get to the maternity floor the first thing I notice is the bottle of hand sanitizers that are hanging on the walls outside of each of the rooms. I'm still angry with God when I think to myself, "no need for us to use that". We walk into Allys room and what I see is forever etched into my mind and memory. Mark is sitting on a couch beside Allys bed. Ally is in the bed holding her baby. Anderson is wrapped up in a blanket. If you didn't know any better you would never think that anything was out of the ordinary here. You would have seen a mom tenderly holding her newborn baby in her arms. But we know that this isn't the case. Ally is holding her beautiful little boy whose spirit has been gone for well over two hours. She asks me if I want to hold him and as she's handing him to me, I start to cry. Ally tells me not to cry that it will only cause her to cry too. How can I not cry when inside my heart is breaking into a million pieces for my beautiful daughter and her precious son. I take Anderson into my arms and think how heavy he feels. He's not a big baby, he's very small, yet he feels so heavy. I move the blanket away from his little face so I can see him better. He really is a beautiful baby. Small, but in my eyes perfectly beautiful! I want this moment etched into my memory...because I know it is the first and the last time that I will see Anderson here on earth. I look at his eyes, his nose, his ears, his little fingers. I am taking a photograph with my mind. I hand him to his peepaw to hold. I don't think peepaw is as comfortable holding him as I am, but he still holds him. and looking back on it,I believe he is glad he held him. I do not know how long we stayed at the hospital, but it didn't seem long enough. No amount of time would have seemed long enough because we knew that once we walked out that door that we would not be seeing Anderson again here on earth. In the elevator on our way up to Allys room I wanted to run away, after getting to her room, I didn't want to leave. We head over to Ally and Marks to relieve Marks mom Becky from babysitting the boys. You can feel the grief in the air...it feels as thick as fog, like you can cut it with a knife. Patrick and Harrison are asleep so we can't see them until morning. I cannot even remember what peepaw and I did the rest of the night before we fell asleep?
November 15th, 1974 was such a happy day for us! A day of celebration! A ceremony of two people who are so in love! Thirtysix years later, on November 15th we are mourning the death of our grandson Anderson. Life somehow doesn't seem fair to me on this day. I am hurting for my daughter, for her husband Mark, for their two little boys, Patrick and Harrison, and for myself and Pat. I am hurting for Dave, Kate, and Christie, for everyone who knows and loves Ally and Mark. I am still angry with God. I just cannot make sense of His taking a baby from us.
Now here we are two years later. It took me a long time to come to terms with this. I was seeing a hypnotist who is also a (Baptist) pastor and when I asked him why God would take a baby, he told me that even he cannot make sense of it...BUT...maybe He did it to spare the baby from something bad that may have happened later in his life. A cancer, or some other painful disease? I never thought of this.
I have a friend who I met on facebook. Her name is Mara and we've become what you could call facebook penpals. We have never met in person, but we have gotten close thru emails. Years ago, Mara lost her only brother, Tim, from a drunk driver hitting him when he was on his bike. The driver did not even stop. She left Maras brother laying in a ditch to die. At the time Maras brothers girlfriend was pregnant with their son. Tim never got to see his child. He never got to hold his son. This year his son got married on the date that his dad (and Maras brother) died on. Mara told me that she was finally able to look at this date as a day of happiness and not the sadness that she felt for all the years since her brother died. There was a reason to celebrate this day now! She also told me to think of the day that Anderson died on NOT as the day that we lost him, but as the day that he was ushered up into heaven! What a beautiful way to look at it. Altho I will never understand why God took Anderson from us, I am no longer angry with Him. I thank Him for the short time that Anderson was here on earth. We did not make it in time to see him alive, but his mommy and daddy and two big brothers did, they were with him, along with Marks family and some of Ally and Marks friends when he came into this world and when he left this world. Ally was able to kiss her baby and cuddle him. She was able to look into his eyes and tell him how much she loved him. She was able to hold him after the umbilical cord was cut and he took his first breath and she was able to hold him when he took his last breath and his spirit entered the kingdom of God! Although this is not the miracle all of us had been praying for, it was a miracle none the less. That short amount of time that Anderson lived here on earth was a gift from God! His birth was such a blessing in all of our lives.
Allys faith thruout all she endured has left me in awe! I thank God for this! Everytime I pray I ask God to tell Anderson that his gamma loves him very much. I ask Him to let my dad and grandmas help take care of Anderson. I ask my dad to sing Anderson a lullaby! I ask God to continue to heal Allys hurt. and Im now asking Him to bless us with two more perfectly healthy babies! Kates little girl will arrive Dec 4th and Allys little boy will arrive in Jan. Life goes on...but we will never forget baby Anderson and we will always love him, and for the first time since he passed away, I feel like it's okay if I enjoy my anniversary. It was a privelage and a gift from God having Anderson born on our anniversary. I guess I'm seeing past the heartache and anger that I felt when Anderson died, and into the blessings that came with his birth and his short little life here on earth. Thank You Lord Jesus for baby Anderson, no matter how short his time was, he counted and he is loved by us all! and thank You for my knight in shining armor! He has helped me every step of the way!
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